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  • Writer's pictureLeonda Adeko, MBA

4 Strategies To Help You Stop The Negative Self-Talk Preventing You From Becoming Your Own Boss!

Let’s get real for a second. Even if someone miraculously gave you $50,000, an extra 15 hours in a day to use as you pleased and gave you the knowledge and free tools you needed to start your own business there is probably still one barrier that will still hinder you – DOUBT!



You can have all the time, money and know-how but you still need to have a specific mindset to embark on this journey of entrepreneurship. I am referring to the limiting beliefs and the negative self-talk that you tell yourself that prevents you from taking actionable steps to start your own business. Such as:

  1. “This is a lot of work to do and it still may not even work”

  2. “No one I know has started their own business that makes any real money, so why do I think I will be able to”

  3. “My service that I am offering is probably not even worth paying for”

  4. “I am not smart enough to accomplish something as big as starting my own business”

  5. “I am not as smart or as clever as she is”

  6. “My kids take up all of my time, I don’t want to take time away from them”

  7. “No one will probably come to my website or purchase anything from me anyway”

  8. “It is going to take too long to get it set up and I don’t even know where to begin”

  9. “If I can’t do it perfectly then I am not going to do it at all”

  10. “Family and friends will probably criticize my product or service and they will probably be right”

Oh yes, those were some of the things I told myself as to the reason why I shouldn’t pursue my dream of business ownership. How to overcome limiting beliefs and negative self-talk is a space held very well by Lisa Nichols, author of Abundance Now, and Margie Warrell, author of Find Your Courage. So, I am not going to try and reinvent the wheel. Instead, I am going to show you how I used the concepts and strategies I learned from these amazing women to overcome my own doubts and negative self-talk that prevented me from embarking on my own entrepreneurial journey.


Start using these 4 strategies below to help you begin to root out the barrier of doubt and negative self-talk and you will be well on your way to seeing your vision of business ownership become a reality:


  1. Give yourself permission to dream bigger

  2. Shift your language, shift your mind

  3. Stop telling your old victim story, let go of the past

  4. Determine what your personal WHY is


GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO DREAM BIGGER


Lisa Nichol’s concept of having “abundance” is what helped me do a complete mental overhaul of the vision I held for myself and my business. Perhaps the first thing that comes to mind when you think of abundance is money or wealth. But having abundance, as Lisa describes it, goes beyond material wealth. Abundance is defined by you and what you think abundance is in every aspect of your life. What it takes to have a rewarding and satisfying life to one person could be totally different for another.


Lisa further defines abundance as – privileged circumstances. She states that “when you are living a life of privileged circumstances, you get to play a bigger game, connect with people who are making things happen, encounter more opportunities for advancement and along the way take pleasure in a lifestyle that would be admired by many.


It means you have the freedom to pursue those things you want to do, be and have – including what your occupation will be, whom you will share relationships with, the activities you’ll enjoy, the possessions you will own and the ways in which you contribute to others and give back to society through philanthropic endeavors.”


After reading this book, Lisa literally helped me to create a new mindset and catapulted me into a new direction in my life mentally, spiritually, financially and in my business. One of the things she said in her book that really struck a cord with me was “if your vision doesn’t scare you, then it is not big enough.” This encouraged me to ask myself “am I playing too small or too safe?” I started to dig up the negative self-talk that kept me from dreaming big. Such as “I am just a black girl who grew up in the ghetto, who was a teen mom and I shouldn’t expect much and what I do get I should be grateful that I have it”. Ouch! I had never said those words out loud before, but it is what I was subconsciously thinking for years. I thought I had a big vision for myself. I had achieved 3 college degrees, was making 6 figures in income and felt mentally and spiritually rich. But, after reading Abundance Now, Lisa challenged me to dream bigger and encouraged me to think differently about what “abundance” was for me personally.


So, what I continued to discover about abundance from Lisa was that “abundance is a mindset more than it is your actual circumstances” and that you get out of life what you have the courage to ask for. Abundance doesn’t actually “require becoming an entrepreneur or filling your bank account – it comes from living in the present and enjoying your now. You define abundance on your own terms. You shouldn’t let someone else measure your level of success. One of the questions Lisa asks in the book is “Have you defined what prosperity means to you, instead of adopting someone else’s version of abundance?”


When I shifted my mindset to what I could give instead of what I could get, I started to get deeper clarity for the direction I really wanted to take that was going to bring me the greatest joy and satisfaction. I had to change my mindset from acquiring knowledge and money as a measure of success to what I truly wanted to be and do.


I had to change my vision and my goals to match my new ephiphany. In doing this, I noticed that my energy and conversation around people shifted and my relationships with others took on a whole new meaning. To me, abundance is being able to have the freedom to spend my time and money to pursue anything my heart desires and to use my time inspiring others for change.


If you download or purchase my book, you will be guided through your first exercise and will take a moment to answer questions such as: "Think about the abundant life you want to lead five years from now or even three years from now. How well do you want to live? Who do you want to be spending your time with? What do you want to own? Do you want to start a business or expand your business? If so, how much revenue do you need to fund that growth and what exactly would you spend the money on? Design the lifestyle or business growth you want and then back into that vision by calculating how much these activities will cost. Determine how much you will need to earn from your wages, your business revenues or the proceeds from your investments to pay for it all. Research what you want to do, be and have.”


Have you honestly ever asked yourself those questions before? You may be thinking “dreaming big is not going to help me make my business a reality” and you would be right but it gives you permission to see what you truly want out of life, what your heart really desires and with that vantage point you can create realistic plans to meet your goals. According to Lisa, “Hope is not a strategy. A truly great life comes from having a plan.” When you do visualize your abundant life, don’t worry about how your goals will be accomplished. Set the intention of what you want and the mechanism by which you’ll achieve your goal will come later. Too many people get overwhelmed by how they’re going to make things happen. Don’t merge the “what” and the “how” together. When you do that, you overwhelm yourself with the how and don’t allow the what to gain impact or traction.” Here are 4 more tips on how to dream bigger:


  1. Be willing to go beyond average

  2. Be comfortable moving your limit line

  3. Be focused on raising the top line, not preserving the bottom line

  4. Always make decisions in accordance with your highest values


SHIFT YOUR LANGUAGE, SHIFT YOUR MIND


“In order to overcome limiting beliefs and actually bring about the results you want you have to shift your language and shift your mind.” Les Brown stated in one of his famous motivational speeches that “you need to quiet your negative self-talk and learn how to stand up to yourself inside yourself and short circuit and override the conversation that is going on inside of you.” I will be the first to admit that this is easier said than done. Some of us must overcome years of abusive language that we inflicted on ourselves or that others have inflicted on us. But we must agree that no matter how big this mountain may be, we must start somewhere if we are to make any progress. Even though the process may be hard and long, quitting won’t make it go faster.


A positive mindset will help you to push past your limiting beliefs so that you will be able to take on new opportunities with increased self-confidence and be successful in your endeavors. Believe it or not the things that you say to yourself carry the most weight and if you say certain things to yourself you will begin to believe it – positive or negative. One of the first things you should start doing is to “begin talking differently about your plans, projects, relationships and dreams in your mind and also when talking to others.” Doing so will create a new visualization in your mind. In other words, ‘what you think about you bring about or what you talk about you bring about.”


All too often we bombard ourselves and sometimes others with negative self-talk and we forget that these are powerful messages that can do a lot of harm. When we do this our “unconscious mind takes in these repeated messages, then causes us to take the actions that will deliver these results to us over and over again. We actually re-create disappointing experiences in life by repeatedly thinking thoughts of failure by holding harmful beliefs about ourselves and by telling the same negative stories to ourselves and others.” So, how about you change your thoughts and the negative beliefs and stories you tell yourself to more positive statements that “also have the power to activate your unconscious mind and repeat those positive statements over and over again? Using affirmations is a good way to help you accomplish the goal of rooting out negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.


Affirmations are “positive statements you can repeat not only to affirm the person you are but also to affirm the person you want to become.” Affirmations begin with the words “I am” which are the most powerful phrase you can use to trigger your unconscious mind to achieve your goals. Affirmations can “operate like mantras in your life and are designed to be something your mind naturally defaults to when the road gets rocky or you hit a speed bump.”


So, ask yourself what could you accomplish simply by shifting your language about your future? You will be writing 6 new affirmations about yourself in the first exercise inside the workbook.


Here are some example affirmations from Lisa that can get you started. You can make these your own.


  1. I am worth the investment that others place in me. I am a good teacher because I am a phenomenal student.

  2. I am effortlessly growing my business as a result of my consistency, my determination, and my ability to bounce back from setbacks.

  3. I am growing my income exponentially. Money loves me because I am a good steward of my earnings. I have an extremely healthy relationship to money, therefore it keeps flowing in my direction

  4. My efforts and diligent work today create financial freedom for generations to come. I am able to shift the trajectory of my family’s life through my decisions today

  5. My contributions help transform humanity. I am making a significant impact on the planet with my service. My life leaves an impression of service and responsibility.


STOP TELLING YOUR OLD VICTIM STORY, LET GO OF THE PAST


We all have a story and a past. Some of us had some very traumatic experiences and some of us had it a bit easier. Nonetheless, our story is part of who we are and oftentimes it dictates what we choose to do in our future – that is if we allow it. Our positive past experiences, whether as kids or adults, can go a long way in helping to shape our future in a good way but our negative past experiences can do the opposite. It is our past experiences in life, either real or imagined, that create our limiting beliefs and ultimately creates the doubt and fear that we have inside us. Lisa vividly points out “don’t make your future pay for your past.” Margie Warrell takes this a step further and helps us to dig a little deeper. She indicates the first thing we need to do in order to let go of the past is to “accept responsibility” for what happened to us in the past and not abdicate the role that we played.


She also brings out that the reason why some of us are still holding on to our past is because we are “getting some type of payoff” from doing so. Psychologists will often ask their clients “what is the payoff you are getting” because they know that people can’t eliminate negative behavior unless they can identify that behavior first. She states that "payoffs, particularly those that relieve or allow you to avoid serious pain or minimize the fear and anxiety of potential pain, can be as addictive as the most powerful narcotics.”


Now, I know I am getting deep here, and if you want to get even deeper, I encourage you to read Margie’s book, Find Your Courage, but I believe you get the point. Figure out the payoff you are getting from holding on to a particular past experience or story, so you can begin to heal it. Your payoff could be that “you are playing the victim role and are abdicating responsibility, and thus, this will continue to support the continuation of destructive behaviors and limiting choices.” Here are some payoffs that Margie points out in her book. See if any of these fit your thoughts:


  1. The satisfaction of having something be all somebody else’s fault

  2. Playing the victim (“Oh, poor me”) and getting the sympathy that comes with it

  3. An excuse for playing it safe and avoiding risk


So, if you are struggling with this particular issue, you must identify the payoff you get from whatever problem or circumstance you have, or it will be hard for you to do something about it. We all know that we can never change the past, but we can change how we choose to think about it. Some events that happened to us as kids are beyond our control and we are not responsible for at all and you were truly a victim. None of us can control the way we were raised or what type of parents we had or didn’t have. But the point is, despite the lack of control we had as children over our circumstances “when we grow up and become adults, we must take responsibility for our lives so that the circumstances of our childhood doesn’t continue to have the power to determine our experiences in adulthood.”


Margie makes an excellent point here: “Your past doesn’t need to define who you are or the future you will have. As an adult, you have the power to choose how you react to the events of your childhood and to choose to stop letting your past determine your future. Yes, placing the blame on some else’s shoulders reduces the load you carry on yours, but it also undermines your personal power. In short, blaming disempowers the blamer! So, as much as you may have developed a comfortable habit of blaming other people or circumstances for your problems today, they are still your problems. All the blaming in the world isn’t going to change that one iota."


The only thing that blaming does is to keep you stuck in a rut that prevents you from taking actions needed to create the life you want. Letting the past go and leaving it squarely in the past is not about denying the very real experiences you had to endure. "It is about breaking the chains that keep you bonded to the past, so you can move forward to create whatever your heart desires for your future, free of resentment, anger and bitterness. It is your choice how you respond, and you alone are accountable for the impact your childhood has on your life today and the life you want to create for yourself tomorrow.”


When you clicked on the link to read this article, you probably didn’t anticipate that you would be delving into a personal therapy session! But this very well could be the one barrier that is holding you back from believing in yourself and that you can own your own business.


DETERMINE YOUR PERSONAL WHY (VISION)


Before you begin on this path of starting your own business and becoming your own boss you first need to know the reason WHY you want to do it. Doing it just to make money is not enough of a reason. Yes, of course we all want to make money but what is your motivating factor? Once you understand what your WHY is your objectives and direction for your personal life and business become clearer and it gets easier.


In her book Stop Playing Safe, Margie mentions that “when you have a big enough WHY to reframe the work you do each day from what you can get to what you can give, you can tap internal resources like never before.” So, you must determine first what matters most to you and then the rest will easily fall into place. What matters most to you right now may change over the years as your life experiences and values change, so what matters to you most now depends on your current situation. “Whatever inspires you will evolve and change as you do. You don’t have to be smarter than you already are, or more strategic, or more educated. When you work towards something that inspires you, you are able to simply be more of who you already are.”


Can you see how knowing what your personal WHY is and believing in it can help you to stop some of the negative self-talk? If you understand your WHY, you are working for a bigger purpose or meaning and that alone will help motivate you to strive to make things happen despite the negative self-talk you give to yourself or others may inflict on you.


The philosopher Aristotle said, “finding one’s purpose is merely a matter of knowing where one’s talents and the needs of the world intersect.” Finding that intersection should be your utmost priority. “If you are pursuing a bigger purpose in your life, your life will demand fearing regret more than failure.”


Margie gives some good advice regarding perfectionism too. She indicates that in this age of perfectionism, “it’s all too easy to burden yourself unnecessarily by thinking that you have to be the world’s best in a particular endeavor: the best accountant, the best entrepreneur, the best writer.” If I thought I had to be the best writer before writing this book, you probably wouldn’t be reading it right now. I know there are much more gifted writers than me, many who don’t make as many run-on sentences as I do! So, “don’t let your attachment to having to be the best keep you from doing the best you can with your natural talent" right now.


In my early days, when I first started my business, I went to a small business women’s expo and I noticed that the presentation of some of these businesses were far from perfect. They didn’t have the perfect presentation or graphic design setup or the best business cards, and in fact, to be honest, some of the product design was just downright tacky. But what inspired me about these women, despite this, was they were still out there showcasing their products and services with courage. The lesson is, don’t allow perfectionism to keep you from getting started because in due time, you can make your products and services better as you go.


I encourage you to write your own personal WHY statement. We will get into some exercises regarding your business why statement if you download or purchase my book. Your personal WHY statement should speak to the difference you would like to make in the world. Note that your business WHY statement should be in harmony or in sync with your personal WHY statement and in doing this you know you will be on track. Keep in mind that during this process, your WHY statement isn’t so much about what you do but about who you are. It reflects whatever brings you a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. Regardless of “how much success you achieve as measured by income, position or profit it’s a powerful way to measure your life.”


My personal WHY statement is: “To create & sustain a way of life that provides me the freedom & flexibility with my time, so I can do work where I can display empathy to others and impact people's lives in meaningful and practical ways that actually inspires change in them. Lastly, to enjoy the journey along the way.”


Notice how my personal WHY statement is in harmony with my business why statement below:


My business vision is: To inspire women and give them the power and an increased opportunity to start their own business by making the needed knowledge and tools easily accessible that will ultimately affect change in their lives and our communities.


In addition, to creating your personal WHY statement, here are 4 questions Margie recommends you answer to help you find your sweet spot that rests in the “intersection between what you care about, what you can contribute and what will be valued most” from you:


  • Passion – What makes you come alive?

  • Talent – What are your innate strengths?

  • Skills/Expertise – Where do you add the greatest value?

  • Values – How will you measure life?


Here are some example business and career why statements:


  • To help clients create smarter strategies for building their dream business

  • To improve the world through innovative thinking

  • To be someone my organization can count on to get the job done well, no matter what

  • To be a leader who helps people harness the best of themselves and positivity impacts all stakeholders

  • To build a business that will outlive its employees and make a lasting contribution to the communities in which it operates.


I started with doubt as the first barrier to business ownership because if you can begin to breakdown the barrier of doubt, the other barriers are easier to overcome.


Now, I know that it may take more than one blog article for you to root out all of the doubts and negative self-talk that you have been struggling with for years, but at least I hope I have been able to give you a good starting point. If this is an area that you struggle with, I encourage you to please get a copy of Lisa Nichols book, Abundance Now, and Margie Warrell’s 2 books Find Your Courage and Stop Playing Safe.


NEXT STEPS


  1. Download or purchase a hardcopy of my book & complete the exercises for step 1

  2. Read the next article - "Step 2 - Use These 6 Strategies To Create The Free Time You Need To Turn Your Side Hustle Into A Real Business"

  3. Get a copy of my No More Excuses Planner to help you set your new goals and monitor progress in your personal life and during your entrepreneurial journey

  4. Take my Side Hustle Masterclass where I not only walk you through all the 7 steps with videos and other exclusive content. You will also be setting up your own business using just 9 easy steps, and at the end, you will be ready to accept your first paying customer.

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